Parable of the Prodigal Son

Today we heard the well-known parable of the Prodigal Son.  The main characters of the story are the son who demands his inheritance from his father then proceeds to squander all this money on prodigal living, and the father, who welcomes his son back with open arms when he repents and returns home.  If the story stopped right there it would be a nice, “happy ever after” story.  But it doesn’t.  There is another interesting character – the older brother who stays home, is obedient, and works alongside his father.  When his prodigal brother returns home everyone is joyful – except for this older brother. What’s his problem? From what Jesus tells us in the parable, we can easily deduce what the problem is. Resentment.

Chances are that everyone living in this world – including all of us – have experienced resentment.  Resentment against parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, bosses, employees, fellow parishioners, politicians, members of organizations we belong to, people we read about in the paper, etc., etc., and so on.

What is resentment?  “A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.”  Resentment is something we carry around inside of us, usually unseen, like a nagging feeling of anger or vengefulness.  Sometimes we ourselves might not even recognize that it’s there.

Resentment is most often characterized by a feeling of “ill will” against someone or something.  As Christians we are called to fulfill God’s will.  And as we know, God’s will and ill will do not mix.  If we hold ill-will in our hearts we cannot love, and we cannot pray. For this reason the harbouring of resentment is perhaps one of our greatest obstacles to living an authentically Christian life.

We are all probably aware of situations where people – family members, co-workers, acquaintances and former friends – do not talk to each other.  I’m sure many of us have been at meetings or gatherings where someone, seemingly out of the blue, just blows up at another person.  Why?  These and other similar behaviours are usually the result of deep seated resentment.  More quietly, but no less destructively, resentment often manifests itself through passive-aggressive words and behaviour as well.

Resentment is like a corrosive substance that eats away at the relationships we have with others, as well as eroding our own internal spiritual, emotional, and psychological equilibrium.  As the saying goes, resentment is like taking poison, hoping that it will kill the other guy!

So how do we, as Christians, deal with resentment?  Interestingly, it doesn’t matter whether we ourselves are feeling resentful, or whether we are suffering as a result of someone else’s feeling of resentment.  We overcome resentment by cultivating humility and love. 

For example, someone may do or say something nasty to me.  Rather than becoming resentful, or planning some type of response or revenge, I should probably just pray, saying in my heart “Lord, I deserve much worse.  Thank You, that this is the worst I have to suffer,” forget the deed or comment, get on with what I’m doing, not let the other person’s emotional venom enter my own heart, and be attentive for the opportunity make peace with the person who offended me.

All of us have done or said things – whether intentionally or unintentionally – which we regret.  When other people say things which are less than charitable we can give them the same benefit of the doubt that we give ourselves: “I was having a bad day; I wasn’t thinking when I spoke; I didn’t mean it to sound the way it came out of my mouth,” etc.

Fr. Alexander Elchaninov observes that

“The circumstances with which our Lord has surrounded us are the first stage leading to the kingdom of heaven; and this is the only way of salvation possible for us.  These circumstances will change as soon as we have profited by them, converting the bitterness of offences, insults, sickness and labours into the gold of patience, forbearance and meekness.” 

Fr. Alexander reminds us that everything in our life – especially our life circumstances and the people we interact with on a daily basis – offers us an opportunity for spiritual growth.  How we respond to these circumstances, to the challenges and blessings, to the words and deeds of others, is our choice.  We can choose to respond in a way which is peacebuilding, positive, and God-pleasing, or in a way which is antagonistic, destructive of relationships, and pleases the devil. 

In the 15^th chapter of the Gospel of St. John Jesus tells us that He wishes that His joy may be in us, and that our joy may be full.  While everyone around him is joyful, the older brother in today’s parable is clearly not joyful.  And this reminds us of one more aspect, perhaps the most dreadful aspect, of resentment.  When we are resentful we cannot be joyful.  When we embrace resentment we deprive ourselves – and those around us – of joy.

Love and joy, or resentment and bitterness.  The choice is ours.

Fr. Bohdan Hladio
16 February 202